Stronger than Stone
by PCGirl
Summary: Prequel to One Life Reunited. John's infidelity in Port Charles has caused Natalie to have DID. What happens when her loved ones try to find her and she tries to find herself again? Jolie, but more heavy on Natalie-centric. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: When I wrote _One Life Reunited _back in 2012 I loved the idea of expanding on it. Having more of a look into the idea of Natalie have DID. They why, the how, the who. I'm glad I waited though before writing anything. There's one last chapter of From the Rubble I just want to put this out there and see if it catches anyone's interest. If not then OLR can be a stand alone and we'll just delete this story all together. When I get to where OLR meets this I don't know what to do-should I just repost that story as a chapter here, or continue the story over there? Please let me know what ya'll think of this, ok? Until next time-PCGirl.

* * *

"The first thing Jessica heard was her mom's worried voice. Opening her eyes, she looked up at her, wondering how exactly she ended up on the kitchen floor, "Mom?"

"Sweetheart-are you ok?" she asked as she helped her up gently.

"Yeah-I had just come downstairs," she said as she looked over at the table and saw the two mugs on the table. "Natalie. Where is she?" she asked as she jumped up too quickly and felt the room spin. Putting her hand on the back of her head she felt a lump.

"She's with your dad. Why don't you sit?"

"No, I can't," she said as she pushed away her mom's calming hand. She knew how Natalie felt all those times-the pit growing in her stomach that her sister needed her and there was nothing she could do but find her and fight for her.

"Jessie-please. You obviously fell and hurt your head-we should take you to the hospital to get checked out."

Jessica thought about how they'd always seen Natalie as the strong twin. Since Tess' first emergence it had been Natalie's strength that had pulled the family forward. She wondered if she could pull from that missing strength and do the same now-because saying these words was going to hurt her mom more than she wanted to admit, "My head can wait. Mom, I think Natalie has DID."

* * *

She stood there and tried to plaster on a smile that showed her relief in her dad's quick actions. "Thank you so much for this, Dad."

"Anything for you and Liam," he said as they finished the paperwork with the BE lawyers. When she'd come in this morning and told him that she'd spoken with John and he was irate with her-threatening her and Liam's life he didn't want to believe it. He didn't like the man-and hated seeing him break his daughter's heart-but she was so adamant. So, they'd slipped out of Llanfair quietly and met with the lawyers to work up a restraining order. He hadn't been able to protect Natalie when she was growing up-he was sure as hell going to protect her now.

"We will file these and have them delivered to Mr. McBain by the end of the day," spoke the lawyer with a quick nod before he left them alone.

"You want me to get Franklin to drive you home?" asked Clint, knowing he needed to work on some things here at the office.

"No, it's ok. I think I'm going to go enjoy the autumn air-might be the last good day for that," she said with a smile.

"Ok, I'll see you at home," he said as he gave her a kiss on the cheek. "And don't worry-McBain will not hurt you or Liam. I promise."

"Of course he won't," she smiled as she squeezed his hand. Making her way onto the elevator she kept the smile on her face until the doors closed. That was it-she was finally free.

* * *

Hearing the front door open Jessica and Viki ran to the foyer of Llanfair to see Clint walk in by himself, "Where have you been? Is Natalie with you?"

"The two of us had some paperwork to do at BE. Then she left to run some errands. What's going on?"

Jessica looked at her mom, knowing she hated saying these words, "I think Natalie has a split personality. We were talking earlier this morning. She was gone last night and didn't remember doing so. Then suddenly she knocked me out. When I woke up, she was gone and so were you."

"Jessie-are you sure? She seemed perfectly fine the whole time we talked."

"How many times did Tess fool you?" she asked, her arms crossed at her chest.

"Mama?" called a voice from the top of the steps and she looked to see Liam standing there, holding onto the railings, those clear blue eyes he got from his father peering down at his aunt and grandparents.

Jessica rushed up to grab him before he got near the actual steps. Scooping him up she ran a hand over his dark locks and gave him a kiss, "Mama stepped out-but she'll be home soon." Speaking from above she bounced him to get him to settle before speaking to her dad, "What errands was she running exactly?"

"She didn't say specifically. There were more important matters at hand."

"Such as?"

"Such as John McBain threatened her's and Liam's lives if they didn't come back to him."

"Clint-you don't believe that do you?" questioned Viki.

"Viki-we weren't able to protect her from all the crap Roxy put her through as a child. As crazy as it sounded-she made it so believable that I had to do something."

"And what exactly did you do?"

Clint sighed, "She asked for a restraining order from John. I couldn't tell her no, so we went to BE, and I had the paperwork drawn up by my lawyers."

"You think John could actually hurt either of them? Dad-he loves them," said Jessica, angry at his suggestion.

"If he loved them, he wouldn't have cheated on Natalie."

Jessica sighed, "I'm not going to argue with you, Dad. Priority number one needs to be getting this boy's mama back to him. Let me try and get him settled and then I'll call Rex. Maybe he can help with finding Natalie."


	2. Chapter 2

Walking down the steps of John and Natalie's house she looked around-remembering that moment just a week ago when Natalie got the picture from her dear Uncle Todd.

Natalie had been so hurt-so confused as to how John could do this. How he could say the things he did and then go off and kiss someone else like that?

But now he was out of the picture-at least for the time being. She wasn't sure how long Clint Buchanan would hold that restraining order in place once he knew it wasn't his spitfire daughter that had come to him in tears about her safety from John.

She re-read the short note she'd put together just now. There wasn't much to it because there really wasn't much to say. She was in charge now-nobody in this town was going to hurt her again, that was for sure.

"Tricia."

The voice made her jump and she turned to look at the mirror that hung over the fireplace to see Natalie staring back at her, "I'm busy-I need to get out of here before they figure it out."

"Jessica was figuring it out right when you took over. Is she ok? What happened to her?"

"She's fine-nothing a little ice and aspirin won't fix," she said with a sly smile.

Natalie made a groaning noise, hoping Jessica wouldn't hold it against her later, "I don't know why you are here. But I need to have control of my body and life again. Let me out-I can handle this."

"No. You need me-I wouldn't have been able to get out if you didn't. So, let me have control for a while."

She rolled her eyes at the fact that she was arguing with herself, "Where did the name Tricia come from anyways?"

"Well, you know how there's Tess and Bess, and Viki and Nikki."

"Yeah."

"Nothing rhymes with Natalie. But Patty rhymes with Nattie," she said with a smile. "Of course, I didn't like that, so I went with Tricia instead. What do you think?"

"I think I need to see Dr Jamison at St Anne's."

"Well, sorry self-that definitely isn't going to happen. I've got a few more errands to do around town before I leave. See ya," she said with a smile as she dropped the letter into the envelope before leaving it on the front table and heading out the door.

* * *

"I still can't wrap my head around this," said Rex as he sat on the couch in Llanfair listening to Jessica and Clint talk about their interactions with Natalie-or whatever this alter was calling herself-from yesterday.

When Jessica had told him over the phone he was in disbelief-he sister was his rock. Everything he'd watched her go through and she never seemed to break. But now-to know that she had, and maybe it wasn't new, but something that just resurfaced at this point. It was a lot to take in. He'd gotten in just an hour ago and was tired, but knew they needed to hit the ground running if they were going to find her.

"It's a strange feeling. Knowing Natalie's going through something I've been dealing with for years."

"You think-," he stopped his question, he wasn't sure where to go with it.

"Who knows," said Vicki, her mind on the same thought as to what caused Natalie's split in the first place. Hearing the cry on the monitor she sighed as the sweet voice once again began to beg for his mom. "Let me go settle Liam down."

Jessica sighed, "Every time it was Tess that was out Natalie was there to comfort my kids. I don't know how she did it. I don't know how she was so strong and was able to get Bree to believe it would all be ok. That mama was coming home soon."

"That's just Nattie," he smiled as he remembered how she was when they were kids.

The ringing of the phone pulled him out of the memory, and he watched as Jessica went to answer it. "Hello?"

"Jessica-hey, it's Jeff at Rodi's. I'm trying to reach Natalie and she's not answering her cell. I wanted to see if she was nearby. If not, I guess I can call John."

"No, she's not. What's going on?"

"This morning I came in to do the deposit from the night drop and all the cash is missing."

"What?" she asked as she locked eyes with her brother.

"Yeah, so I went into the office to see if maybe it'd been moved to the safe. That's when I found out the safe has been cleaned out too. Do I need to call the police?"

Jessica sighed, "I'll be over there soon. You don't need to call the cops."

"What was that about?" asked Clint as she hung up.

"Money is missing at Rodi's most likely by Natalie. Or her alter. The safe and cash from the night deposit is gone."

"No way to track her if she uses cash. She's definitely got Natalie's brains," smirked Rex, trying to see a silver lining in any of this.

"I'm going to go replace the money. You want to come with me?"

"Yeah, I need to tell Roxy what's going on. I hate to do it, but we need to have Bo put a BOLO out on her."

"I'll take care of that," said Clint quietly. "I'm going to get some BE investigators on trying to track her down as well."

"Who gets to call John?" asked Rex, not knowing the firestorm that would start up.

"McBain is not going anywhere near this. This is a family situation and it will stay that way."

"And John's not family? They were going to get married. He proposed to her what-just two months ago."

"And then he cheated on her. As far as I'm concerned, he cut ties when he did that."

"Let it go for now, Rex," said Jessica, giving her father a side eye that she wasn't pleased with his decision. "We'll go to Rodi's first," she said as she pulled on his arm and went towards the door to leave.

* * *

"Roxy, you here?" called Rex from the door of the Hair Haven. He'd left Jessica over at Rodi's to handle Jeff and the money situation. He figured if Natalie-or whoever this was-came by Rodi's maybe she stopped to see their mom as well.

"Rexy!" she shouted and came running at him at full force.

"I missed you too," he laughed as she threw her arms around him.

"Where's that grandkid of mine?" she laughed as she pulled out of the hug.

"He's back in London-I had to come home for a-situation."

"Oh," she said as she walked around the room a bit. "Sounds interesting."

"Yeah," he looked to make sure no one else was in the building. "Have you seen Natalie yesterday or today?"

Roxy's face went into a pout and he knew the answer before she said anything, "Yeah, she came by yesterday-and I know her and Johnny are having problems, but she said some really hurtful things to me."

"Like what exactly?" he asked as he heard the door open and Jessica came in, just nodding that Rodi's was taken care of.

"She brought up ya'lls childhood. Said how could I put her through everything I did. I don't understand why she was being so cruel. I know I sucked as a mom back then, but I thought we had gotten past it all. Years ago. Why bring it up now?"

Jessica came over and gave Roxy a hug, "You did, Roxy. She hasn't had any hatred for you in a very long time. She loves you."

"She sure had a funny of showing it," she said as she wiped her eyes.

Rex sighed as he walked her over to the hair dryers and sat her down, "Rox, that wasn't Natalie."

"What? Do you need your head examined? I know what my kid looks like."

He actually smiled, having missed his mom these past few months, "I know you do. What I'm saying is-that apparently Natalie has an alter."

"Are you saying she went splitsy like Jessica and Vick?"

Jessica rolled her eyes, Natalie was so much better at handling her than she was, "I'm afraid so."

"You think she was abused as a child? You think my recklessness let some creep get their hands on my baby girl?" she said as she began crying at the thought.

Jessica kneeled down in front of her, "We don't know yet. We have to find her first. But I know when we get Natalie back-and we tell her everything she's going to apologize to you for what was said yesterday. She loves you and she forgave you a very long time ago."

"Really?" she said as she grabbed a Kleenex and blew her nose loudly.

"Really. Why don't we head back to Llanfair and see what dad has found out? We can figure out the next step from there."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Glad ya'll are enjoying this-it's fun so far to think of how Natalie's alter would be different from her, and yet the same too. Until next time-PCGirl.

* * *

John sat there on the corner of his bed looking at the paperwork. How could she do this? How could Natalie actually say he was a threat to her's and Liam's well-being. He'd already called her phone a few times to no avail. He tried to keep his anger in check on the voicemails, but knew he'd probably failed at that.

Picking his phone up he decided to call another number, hoping maybe the right person would answer and he could start working his way back into their good graces.

"Hello?" said the polite voice on the other end.

"Mrs. Banks. Hi-it's John McBain. Is Natalie around?"

"No, she's not John. I'm sorry," she said with a sigh, wishing for anything that her daughter was here. She knew Natalie would say the restraining order was a mistake-she wouldn't want to keep Liam from his father like this.

"I just don't understand why she's doing this."

Viki looked down as she messed with something on the desk, hating to hear the hurt in his voice. "My daughter is hurting right now, John. I think when everything is smoothed out, she will reach out to you. Don't give up on her, ok?"

"I won't. She told me not too long ago to fight for her-I'm going to do that. Is Liam around by chance?"

"I just laid him down for the night-he's had a rough day. I hate to wake him-I know he's been asking for you," she said, not bringing up how she had to rock him to sleep while he cried for both his parents.

"Oh, of course. I didn't realize the time. When he gets up in the morning tell him I love him and give him a kiss for me."

"I will. Take care, John."

"You too, Mrs. Banks," he said as he hung up the phone.

Viki hung up the phone and looked at the picture beside it, one of her two daughters smiling beside each other taken a few years ago. "Oh, Natalie. My sweet, precious gift. Where are you?"

Hearing steps she turned to see Clint walk in, "Any word?"

He shook his head as he came over and pulled her into a hug, "I talked with Bo-he's got a couple of the officers keeping an eye out, but he's already short staffed with John gone. And now with Natalie as well."

"John just called. He wanted to talk to Natalie."

"You didn't tell him, did you?"

"No, but he's hurting just as much as we are. You know he'd be here in a heartbeat if he knew she was missing."

"He also is the reason she's missing. She let this person out because John cheated on her and she couldn't handle that."

"This person is also our daughter, Clint. Just as much as Tess and Bess are with Jessica. It's just a different personality. And one that apparently feels like they need to be in control right now."

* * *

"I just feel so guilty, Vick. To realize that my crappy parenthood when Natalie was younger lead to this," said Roxy as they sat together at the kitchen table while Ryder and Liam played with some toys on the floor.

Viki looked at the woman beside her, amazed how their relationship had changed over the years. When she first arrived, Viki wanted nothing to do with her or the young woman she'd raised. Now all she wanted was that same young woman to walk in through the door, and as for Roxanne Balsom-she knew the world would be much quieter and duller without her around. "We're allowed to feel guilt, but I know Natalie won't let you wallow in it too long. Anyways-look at how wonderful a grandmother you are to Liam."

"You really think so?" she asked and then beamed a smile when Viki nodded. If a woman like Viki could give her a compliment of that size, she must be doing something right.

"I was thinking maybe we could take the kids to London. Let them visit with their other cousins. Doing nothing but waiting with anticipation is driving me crazy. Do you have a passport, Roxanne?"

"Actually, I do. Natalie had me apply for one back in the spring. She's going to buy me a ticket to go visit Rexy at Christmas."

"Great, we'll get the arrangements started," she said as she covered Roxy's hand with hers. Hearing the kitchen door open she saw Rex walk in with Jessica trailing behind him, "Please tell me you found something."

"I think we went to every used car dealer in the area, but we know what she's driving," smiled Jessica.

"I'm going to go call Bo with the description. He can get it out to the state police, and they can keep a look out for it," said Rex as he left the room.

"How is everything here?" asked Jessica as she sat down at the table with the other two women.

"We just decided that we are going to take the kids to London. I know this house is driving me crazy. As soon as we get word from you that Natalie's been found we'll come home."

"That's a great idea. I'll go by the house to pick up some clothes for Liam. It'll be good for us to make sure we aren't missing anymore clues there."

* * *

Jessica let herself into the house, closing and locking the door behind her. She remembered when Natalie and John bought this house-the pride she had for a girl from the wrong side of the tracks in AC to be able to buy this, to make a safe home for her child to grow up in.

Looking over to the entry table she saw an envelope, noting the handwriting and how she knew it was her sister's, and yet it wasn't. Opening it she found the engagement ring and a note.

_You always say I'm so strong. I might be, but I can't do this anymore. Tell Liam I love him and give this back to John._

_Goodbye._

Jessica took the ring out and slipped it into her pocket-she didn't want this alter to come back for it to hock later. Natalie was already going to be embarrassed by her taking the money from the Rodi's safe-she'd be heartbroken if they were to sell the ring that meant so much to both John and her.

Walking up the stairs she went past Liam's room and into the master-looking around at the spaciousness of it and remembering the story Natalie told her of how he'd proposed this time.

_"Natalie, come here for a moment," called John from the master as she worked on unpacking Liam's room. _

_She stood up from the squatting position she was in and looked around the room. Smiling again as she thought of how he would grow up in this house-not having to figure out how long he would get to enjoy a home before being shuffled to the next one, inevitably leaving some small token he treasured behind._

_Making her way to the doorway she saw John looking down into an empty box, "You ready for another box?" she asked as she went to the stack to hand him a new one._

_John looked over his shoulder and smiled at her. She was wearing an old FBI shirt of his and some sleep shorts, her hair pulled into a sloppy twist to keep it up while they unpacked and cleaned. She would argue with him on this point, but he'd never seen her look more beautiful. "Almost-I just need to figure out where to put this," he said as he turned on his heel, still in the kneeling position and held out a ring box._

_"John," she said softly, feeling her eyes mist over already._

_"I can come up with words and tell you again what you mean to me. How my life is so much less without you in it, but you already know how I feel about you. So, let's put this back on your finger-not to come off this time, ok?"_

_Natalie knelt down to his level and held her hand out, feeling it tremble at finally getting her happy ending._

Jessica sighed-her sister would get her happily ever after-with her son and hopefully with his father, but first she would have to find her.

* * *

Tricia splashed water on her face and looked up into the restroom mirror at the state line welcome center.

"Why are you doing this?" asked Natalie in the reflection.

"Because you needed it. You let me out."

"I didn't let you out because I didn't even know you existed. Now come on-let me back out so we can go home. Liam needs me."

"Liam has his aunt and grandparents. He'll be fine. Besides-we're going on a road trip," she smiled.

"A road trip? With the money you stole from Rodi's?"

"You saw that?" she asked as she leaned forward and smiled at herself.

"Yes. I can't believe you did that to John."

"It's our money too."

"It's my money and I don't want it wasted on that piece of crap you bought out there."

She rolled her eyes, "I had to have some form of transportation. Your car would be too obvious."

"I already figured out why you are doing all this. It's to hurt John."

"Wow-you really are good at the investigating thing," she said as someone else came in the bathroom and the reflection in the mirror suddenly turned back to hers.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: This is a short chapter-kind of a connector to the rest of the story. A little more backstory for Tricia and moving it along. Next few chapters are longer and probably more intense.

* * *

"Are we going to finish this conversation?" asked Natalie as she watched herself get ready in the seedy motel room they were apparently stopping at for the night.

"What else is there to say?" she asked as she turned to her side to see how the blue top hung in the back.

"Why are you doing this to John? Why did you steal his money and are keeping Liam away from him? And me too for that matter."

"Because he hurts us. Every time without fail. I'm tired of the lies, and the betrayal. I'm tired of him promising us the moon and then taking it back just as quick. Yes, he might be easy on the eyes, but sometimes it's more than looks. You know who never hurt us? You know who loved us absolutely unconditionally and always saw the real Natalie? Jared. That's who."

Natalie nodded at her alter's thought process, "I know. I miss Jared too. If I promise to walk away from John, then will you let me come out? I want to see my son."

"I want to see him too, but if we go back to Llanview they will reintegrate us. I can't let that happen."

"You aren't like Tess," said Natalie, studying herself and trying to study the psyche of the person in front of her. She loved Liam-Natalie could tell. When Tess was out, she could care less if Bree and Ryder were safe or not. But this-person-she did. And she could feel that she missed that sweet little boy that was probably confused as to where either of his parents were.

"No, I'm not," she said quietly. "I wasn't created because of that."

"Then why were you?"

"The woman that raised you-she would leave you in these strip clubs and pool halls so she could go waste money on the pony's and slots. Who does that to a nine-year-old child?"

"You protected me," said Natalie, realizing what Tricia's purpose was in her young life.

She nodded, "I would find the safe spot in the room, where I could take everything in and keep my eyes peeled for any men that might be interested in us like that. It's probably why you are so observant at crime scenes."

"We seem to work well together when we are integrated. Why don't we go back to that?"

"Because I don't want to," she said and picked up the pool stick case and left the room, despite Natalie's pleas.

* * *

Rex sat there at the corner of the bar; his eyes trained on the door in case she walked in. In case this hunch was right and he finally, after over a month of searching, found his sister.

It had actually been Bo who had suggested looking into the pool tournament circuit. That since she was not using Natalie's cards or bank accounts, she would need some sort of income. It hadn't taken long to find out there was rumor going around that Natalie Balsom was back and winning tournaments like she'd never left.

The meets she was in had her going west-first in Ohio and then in Indiana. Tonight, he was in St Louis, waiting for what was supposed to be the next tournament she was at.

Hearing his phone vibrate he expected it to be Jessica but instead smiled at seeing Gigi's picture pop up, "Hey Morasco," he said, still calling her by her maiden name out of habit. "Thought you'd be asleep by now."

"The bed's cold without you in it. I couldn't sleep."

"I miss you too," he smiled. "I was hoping this was going to be the one-looks like it's not."

"You'll find her. You had confirmation she'd signed up for this tournament. You think she got tipped off?"

"Perhaps. I wish I could figure out where she was headed to. How was Liam today?"

"Same. He's going to sleep easier, but he still calls out for either Natalie or John once during the night."

Rex sighed, "Are we doing this right thing? Keeping McBain out of the loop on this?"

"That's between your family-I'm staying out of it."

"Bo actually suggested the other day to let it slip to John about what's going on. John's been calling him randomly to check in on things. I think it's getting harder for him to pretend everything is ok," he said as he heard last call for tournament contestants to sign in and sighed. "She didn't come, Gigi."

"We'll find her. You were so close-it's just a matter of time now."

"I know."

* * *

She sat in the car-seething with her thoughts. She'd just walked into the room and saw Rex talking on the phone. Thank God for whoever was on the other end or he would have made her immediately.

It'd been reckless for her to start doing these pool tourneys-she knew that. But she was also beginning to run low on the funds she'd swiped from Rodi's.

McBain hadn't been there-just Rex. That made her feel a bit better. Rex knew Natalie-but John knew her better than herself. He would probably have found her long before now.

Taking the long way back to the hotel she kept an eye out for any vehicles that seemed to be following her. She'd check out tonight and hit the road-knowing exactly where her next stop would be. Then she'd have a bit of time to reassess her plan and see what to do next.


	5. Chapter 5

"Maybe we are looking at this all wrong," said Jessica as she took a sip of her coffee while her and Rex sat at the diner. She had told Rex to go back to London, but he didn't want to. Not until Natalie was home. It'd been two weeks since he'd gone to that tournament in St Louis-since then it'd been a dead end with no clues on where to go next.

"How so?"

"Let's go over everything she did before she left town. The restraining order. Taking the money. Leaving the note and the ring at the house. What do they all have in common?"

Rex gave a slight laugh, "They all affect John."

"Exactly. So, this alter obviously has a low opinion of John."

"Tess wasn't exactly fond of Antonio, right?"

"But she loved Nash," she smiled to herself as she reminisced about her deceased husband. "Nash. That's it."

"What? How does Nash play into this?"

"Not Nash. Jared. The alter loves Jared. That's how we find her."

"But he's dead too."

"She knows that. She accepts that. When Jared and Natalie finally went forward with their relationship it was in Texas. At the ranch. I bet you anything that's where she is heading," she said as she pulled out her phone and searched for a number. Holding up a finger to stop his questions she waited for the phone to ring. "Well, if it isn't my favorite cowboy."

"Hello, Ms. Jessica. How are you doing this fine day?"

"I'm wonderful. Listen-you haven't heard from or seen Natalie by chance, have you?"

"Well, no ma'am. Should I be?" he asked, his voice shaking just a bit.

Jessica smiled at catching his lie and nodded to Rex who took out his phone to get the Buchanan jet ready to go to Texas. "No-I don't think so. Listen, if she is there or happens to show up don't let on ok."

"Will do."

"And Chuck?" she said at the last moment before hanging up. "Rex and myself. And maybe my dad will be there shortly to get her. Don't let her leave the ranch. No matter what she says or con she tries to play you keep her there. We'll be on our way shortly."

"Yes, ma'am."

* * *

Jessica took a deep breath before entering the house-this was it, the nightmare was over, and they had tracked her sister down. Her and Rex had decided to come alone-not bring Clint just in case the alter had some unknown beef with him.

"Jessica, hey darling," said Chuck with that long Texas drawl of his as he came into the foyer to greet them.

"Hi, Chuck," she said as she gave him a hug. "Has she caught on yet?"

"I don't believe so. She's sitting out on the patio enjoying lunch right now. Can I get you two anything?"

"Just some privacy," she said as she watched him walk away and looked at Rex with uncertainty. "You ready to get our sister back?"

"Definitely," he said as he squeezed her hand in reassurance. Walking into the doorway he took her in-she was sitting there reading a book of some sort. He imagined it was one of those trashy romance novels Roxy got her into. It was strange to think that this person, while it was his sister by looks, was in fact a complete stranger to him. "Nattie," he said softly and walked out into the sunlight.

When she looked towards the doorway and saw them standing there both Rex and Jessica saw for a moment a look of fear before she plastered on a smile of surprise, "Jess. Rex. What are you two doing here?" she asked as she came forward and gave them each a hug.

"We wanted to see what you were up to. You left with no warning, Natalie," said Jessica as she held Natalie's hand-scared what the girl would try if she were to let go.

"I just needed some time to reassess everything. You know-John's been a part of my life for so long."

"Liam really misses his mom," said Jessica as she let go of Natalie's hand, feeling that it was safe to do so.

"I know-I miss him too. How is he?"

"He's doing ok. He's been over in London with mom and Roxy for most of the time you were away," she said, watching the alter's eyes flash with anger at the mention of Natalie and Rex's adopted mom. "You know-Roxy said you came and visited her before you left town. She said you said some stuff to her that doesn't really sound like you."

"Well, you know-just with everything else going on that suddenly bothered me once again and I felt like it needed to be said."

"She feels bad for that," spoke Rex softly. He felt like this situation was so fluid he wasn't sure which way to take from one moment to the next. "And she feels worse that something happened to you back then that caused this break to happen."

"Nothing happened because I was there. Because I was able to protect Natalie. Don't you get it? I'm the one that sat there in those smoky bars in the corner making sure nothing happened. I'm the one that protected her in that pit that Barber left her in. I'm the one that protected her while Tess had us locked in that damn room in the basement," she shouted as she lurched forward to attack Jessica. Rex grabbed her around the waist and held her back. "Let go of me," she hissed through gritted teeth.

"No. You need help. You both do."

"No, what I need-what I need is Jared. The only person that has ever loved us unconditionally. That always went along with whatever crazy plan Natalie had without reservation."

Jessica couldn't help the tears that were coming at seeing her sister like this, things that had long been put to rest coming back to the surface once again, "I'm sorry for all those things. I'm sorry for you missing Jared still because I miss Nash just as much. But there is someone that loves you unconditionally now. Liam. And he needs his mama."

Rex turned his sister to him, looking into those blue eyes and thought for a moment he could see her, "Natalie-I know you are in there. And I know how much of a fighter you are. You need to fight for Liam now-fight to get back to him. It's going to be ok-I promise you. He loves you-nothing you say or do will ever change that. So, come back to us for him if nobody else. Please."

Natalie felt like she was at the bottom of a swimming pool looking up and seeing Rex on the other side of the water. She could hear his words-hear him telling her to fight, to push through. It was when she thought of Liam-thought of that boy who was scared and alone right now she realized Tricia was doing to him what Roxy did to her. Abandoning someone who couldn't fend for themselves yet. She pushed off with all her might, feeling herself push against Tricia's strong personality and suddenly she was there-standing on the patio with Rex holding her arms, "Rex," she cried and threw herself at him.

"Hey, I'm here. I got you," he said softly, kissing her hair as Jessica came closer.

"Jess," she said as she grabbed her hand and the three of them stood there for a moment while she collected herself.

"Welcome back," she said, wiping the tears from her eyes, remembering the moments when she had pushed through Tess before and came out on the other side. "You ready to go home?"

"Definitely," she said as the three of them went back inside the patio together and got ready for the next step.

* * *

"How are you feeling over there?" asked Jessica as the three siblings sat on the BE jet taking them back to Llanview. She'd been watching her sister sitting there quietly-lost in her thoughts. She remembered that feeling. The feeling of dread of having to face whatever demon lie ahead. Also, the feeling of relief that this was the beginning of getting her life back.

"I need to write a letter-can you find me some paper, Jess?"

"Sure," she said as she got up and went to the drawer she knew her dad kept paper in for notes to make on long trips. Bringing it back over she sat down next to Natalie and watched her as she wrote. "Nat," she sighed, realizing what she was doing.

"No, don't say it-not yet," she said as she wiped the tears away that were betraying her. Signing her name, she read over it again and sighed, "I have to do it this way, Jess."

"No, you don't," she said as Rex came over and sat down on the other side of her and looked over the letter.

"Tricia-she hates John. All she focuses on are the times he hurt me-us. So as much as I would love for him to be here for this. As much as I need him to be I can't. Because she will use him as a tool to make herself stronger and I can't have that. I need to be in charge, and I need to get back to my son. So, if this pushes John more into Sam's orbit and out of mine and Liam's then that's what happens.

"When it's all over I'll tell him the truth. Let him back into Liam's world-because that little boy needs him," she said as she folded it and handed it to her sister. "Make sure this gets to John once I'm inside St Anne's, ok?"

"I will," she said as she grabbed her sister's hand tightly and was once again amazed at the strength she had.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Ok, I don't remember how they do Tess/Jess integration/sessions and I don't have time to watch old clips so I'm sorta winging this part. Hope ya'll are enjoying this. Until next time-PCGirl.

* * *

Natalie sat there quietly in the room that she'd been checked into the night before once returning to Llanview. She could feel Tricia wanting to come out-telling her that she needed to be in control for Natalie's own good. That they were going to force her to admit things she didn't want to admit. But she kept focusing on the pictures of Liam that she'd asked Jessica to bring her.

Jessica had called while they were on the plane to London and told their mom that they'd found Natalie. The plane should be landing shortly, if it hadn't already.

"Come in," she said as she heard a knock on the door and waited to see who it was. "Mom," she said at seeing Viki standing there and went running to her.

"Natalie," she said as she pulled her into her and couldn't help but let the tears fall. When Jessica had called her the day before and said she was sitting next to Natalie on the plane home she almost didn't want to believe her. Pulling back, she looked at her for a moment, "I'm so very happy you are home and safe. How do you feel?"

"Ok, right now. I can feel Tricia pushing though-it's like someone pushing against you on a train car where there's no room to breathe much less move. All you can do is push back and hope they don't push you out of the way."

Viki nodded, "I know that feeling. I hate you are having to go through this. I always thought you were the strongest of my children."

"It happened before I ever even had heard of Llanview or the Buchanan's. Did Jess tell you about the ranch?"

"She said that Tricia mentioned the places Roxy would leave you. And how she would come out and keep an eye open for predators?"

"Yeah, she says nothing ever happened-that she didn't let anyone get close to me like with Niki and Jessica."

"Well, I will say I'm very thankful for that. And I'm sure Roxy will be too," she said as she watched Natalie grab her head and walk away for a moment. "Natalie, sweetheart, are you ok?"

"Yeah, give me a second," she said breathlessly. After a moment she looked back at her mom. "She seems to gain power when Roxy or John are brought up. Her focus on hating them and what they've done to me seems to help her gain control. I just have to focus on Liam, and it seems to stop her."

Viki nodded, "Jessica also told me about the letter you sent John."

"I had to. As much as I would like him to be here-and I know at one time he would want to be-I can't have him here. Him being around would just keep Tricia in control. I need to see Roxy also-need to talk to her, but I'm not sure that's a good idea unless Dr Jamison is around. How is Liam?"

"He's ready to see you. Just let us know when you are ready to see him."

"Let me have a couple sessions first. Focusing on him and his needing me is already helping me fight back-I know having him in my arms will help even more," she said with tears in her eyes at missing her son.

* * *

"How are we feeling today, Natalie?" asked Dr Jamison as they sat in his office for their session.

"Nervous," she said quietly. This was the first session she'd had with him, and though Jessica told her what to expect there was still an unsureness of it all. What if he brought Tricia out and then couldn't bring Natalie back? What if she never saw her son again?

"It's understandable, but don't be. I will be right here the whole time-I'm not going to leave you until you are back in control. Now you know there will be a few sessions before the actual integration takes place, right?" he asked and saw her nod. "Good, I need you to close your eyes. I want you to think of a wonderful memory. One where you were completely in control of your life. Do you have one?"

"Yes."

"Good. What is it?"

"We just got home from the hospital with Liam. I'm on the bed with him watching him sleep. He's so perfect-and I feel all this love for him."

"That's a great memory. Can you feel Tricia in your mind?"

"Yes," she repeated.

"Ok, I want you to hold onto that memory and step back-let her come out. I'll bring you back when we're done." He paused a moment and waited for speaking again, "Tricia?"

"Yes," said a voice, not as calm as Natalie but gruffer-almost angry.

"I'm Dr Jamison. Do you know why we are here?"

"You want to reintegrate me and Natalie."

"Yes-eventually. First, I'd like to get to know you. Do you want to open your eyes and talk for a few?"

Tricia opened her eyes and gave the doctor a blank stare, "What do you want to know?"

"What's your earliest memory of being Natalie's alter?" he asked as he began writing down his physical observations before they started.

"We were nine-and Roxy had left us at a strip club-The Winking Pussycat. She wanted to go off and waste the money we had on the ponies instead of giving us food and shelter. Natalie got scared of something and I suddenly was there-in the strip club sitting on the stool that Roxy told us not to move from. There were a few men looking at us-I didn't know why, but I knew they weren't good men. I think Natalie knew too-that's probably what scared her. I got off the stool and found a seat in the corner where I could take everything in. There was a nice waitress that brought me some water to drink and a plate of fries. There was only mustard on the table so that's what I used to dip our fries in."

"How long did that last? The times you came out while she was a child."

"A few years. Eventually Roxy just left Natalie at the house while she went out. So, Natalie didn't need me anymore," she said, a touch of sadness in her voice.

"When did you come out again?"

"The pit. Natalie had been thrown down there by Hayes Barber and she wouldn't sleep-she was scared he'd come back, and something would happen while she was unconscious. She was getting weaker-I pushed my way out and took over. I wasn't scared that something would happen so I would come out and let our body rest. I was the reason we survived that-McBain may have rescued us, but he took so long that if it hadn't been me making us rest Natalie would have been dead when he got there."

"Has there been another time since this last visit that you came out?"

"When we were in the basement. Tess had put us there and was just mocking Natalie-telling her nobody missed her. That Rex was dead. I didn't come out so she could rest this time-or keep her from some predator. I did it to keep her sane-I felt like another personality was about to emerge so I came out instead. I came in and out a few times down there. And then Jared showed up and I knew we were safe again."

"Ok, I think that's enough for now, Tricia. Thank you. Natalie-I need you to come forward-I want you to keep that memory of newborn Liam in your mind and push past Tricia."

Natalie took a deep sigh and suddenly was back in the room, "I'm here."

"Good," he smiled. "Did you hear what Tricia said?"

Natalie nodded, "Yeah."

"Why don't we start at the beginning then and discuss this? We can stop whenever you want-if you get tired let me know and we can pick up from there tomorrow," he said as he began to talk about the points that Tricia brought up about Roxy.

* * *

"You know-I'm starting to not feel so good, maybe we can reschedule this for another day," said Roxy as she put her hand to head and tried to turn around instead of going into Dr Jamison's office.

"No, Roxy," growled Jessica as she grabbed the woman's arm and pulled her to the side. "Natalie needs this. She needs to be whole for Liam and part of that is getting Tricia to be more receptive to integration. I already had my session with Tricia about what Tess did-now it's your turn."

"When is John's? Shouldn't he have a session with this chick too?"

Jessica sighed, wishing that Rex was here to get his mom to cooperate, "Stop dodging the issue. You are the reason she exists. I think this will do you some good as well. Let Tricia see you've learned from your mistakes and are a better person now."

"What if I'm not a better person than before?"

"You've spent most of the last four months helping raise Liam. You are definitely a better person now."

"I can do this," she said as she threw her arms around Jessica's neck.

"Good, I'll be right here," she said with a laugh and went to find a seat.

When Roxy walked in, she saw Natalie sitting there and immediately recognized the look she gave her as the same one she gave her at the salon months ago. Feeling nervous she turned to the doctor and smiled.

"Roxanne-thank you for joining us," he said as he stood up and shook her hand. "If you'll take a seat. I went ahead and started talking with Tricia before you came in."

"I'm surprised you cared to come at all," spoke Tricia, anger at seeing the woman that raised Natalie. "Do you understand the reason I'm here is because of you? Because you wanted to spend time gambling our money away instead of raising your own daughter?"

"Yeah, I know I screwed up-I know there are a lot of things I did back then that I'm not proud of now. But Nattie-she's forgiven me. She's looked past that and seen someone that she loves. She's an amazing mom-probably because she's learned from my mistakes on what not to do with a kid.

"Liam-he's an amazing kid. And right now-with you being separate from Natalie it's hurting him. He needs his mom whole-so she can show him the love and kindness only his mom can give him."

"Tricia-is there anything else you want to say?"

"Wait, Doc-I got one more thing to add," said Roxy as she leaned forward and looked Tricia straight in the eye. "I want to tell you thank you. Thank you for being there for my little girl. For keeping her safe when I was too stupid to do so. I love her-and I hope she can forgive me."

Tricia could feel Natalie pushing against her to get out and sighed, "She does."


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Well, this one is winding down-two more after this and it should be done. Need to finish up Rubble too. Until next time-PCGirl.

* * *

Jessica knocked on Natalie's door softly and waited for her sister to respond. Opening it up she stuck her head inside and smiled, "Are we ready for a visitor?" she asked as she walked the rest of the way in and Natalie saw her holding Liam.

"Liam," said Natalie quietly as the tears began to start. It'd been nearly a month since she came here, and she felt stronger after every session. She knew they would begin the reintegration process soon and asked Jessica to bring Liam for her to see.

Liam was pushing himself off of Jessica and calling for his mama so loud that Jessica couldn't help but laugh as she sat him down on the bed and he crawled over and threw himself at Natalie.

"My sweet boy. I've missed you so much," she said as she held him tightly. "Have you been good for everyone?"

"He's been so great. I've been showing him yours and John's picture every night before bed and he gives them each a kiss."

"Well, I've been doing the same to yours, but nothing is as good as the real thing," she said as she began to give him kisses. Pausing for a moment she rested her cheek on the top of Liam's head, "Any word from John after the letter was sent?"

Jessica shook her head no, "He is pushing for visitation rights. Even with the restraining order in effect and you stating you've moved on from him."

"At least he still cares about Liam," she said with a sad smile. "I feel like if he were here now, I'd be ok-I feel like Tricia and I are starting to be on the same page for what is best for everyone involved. But we still need to wait until everything is over."

"It won't be much longer," she said, taking her twin's hand in hers.

"Before you found me, I realized something. I realized that Tricia loves Liam. I think if she'd had the opportunity, she would have taken him with her, but then there was more of a chance of John getting involved and she didn't want that."

"That's good. I think that will help with the integration."

"Me too," she said as she looked down and realized that Liam had fallen asleep in her arms.

* * *

"How are we today?" asked Dr Jamison as Natalie walked into his office. He'd been glad to see her making such quick strides on recovery and was ready to see if this session would be the final.

"Really good. Jess has been brining Liam by every day for us to visit. I'm ready to be home with him again."

"Glad to hear it. Today we're going to attempt integration. If it doesn't work that's ok-we'll keep going at it every few days until it's complete. When you start focusing on that memory today, I only want you to take a partial step back-I want you to both be in control and be able to communicate with each other. I will be here as well and can pull you back to the front if need be. Ready?"

"Yes," she said as she closed her eyes, focusing on the memory of newborn Liam.

Stepping back, she felt like she was in a black room-with just a spotlight over herself and an empty one. "Tricia?" she called out and watched her alter enter the light.

"Why are you wanting this so bad?"

"Because Liam needs us. He needs to know his mama is ok and strong and protective. I can't do that without you."

"Answer me this first-why did you never have McBain come here for a session? Why did you have me talk and forgive both Jessica and Roxy but not him?"

"Because those two will definitely always be in my life."

"You aren't sure about John though."

"No, I'm not. And he's not even in my realm of thought right now-all I want is us to get back to Liam. Get back to that little boy who we both love, because you can't tell me you don't. The only person that this all is hurting is him."

"What are you going to do about John when we are one again?"

"I don't know. What I do know is that I can't keep Liam from him-it's not fair to either of them. He loves that little boy too-and he'll protect him at all costs."

"But not us?"

Natalie shrugged, she wasn't sure of anything when it came to John now-and she was so tired, "Maybe. I'm tired of it all, too, Tricia. You haven't said anything regarding John that I haven't thought of myself.

"What we need to focus on is Liam. We work together better than apart. Can we do that for our son? I can't protect him without you, and we need to be whole in order to do that," she finished, holding out her hand and hoping that Tricia would take it.

Natalie watched Tricia sigh and take a hold of her hand. She felt a pull between the two and then heard Dr Jamison's voice telling her to focus on Liam and come back forward. When she opened her eyes, she felt a deep sense of peace come over her.

"How are you feeling? Can you feel Tricia?"

Natalie paused for a moment and realized for the first time in months she didn't feel like someone was trying to push her out of the way, "No. I think-I think she gave in and knew what was right."

* * *

Natalie walked down the steps and into the kitchen to see Jessica sitting there with a cup of tea for her, "I could watch Liam sleep all night," she smiled as she slipped into her chair.

"I'm impressed he actually let you out of the room," she laughed. Her sister had been home for a few weeks and Liam was not letting his mom out of his sight for more than a minute at a time.

"He played so hard today at the park. I can't believe him and Ryder will be two in a few weeks."

"I know-it feels like just yesterday we were bringing them home from the hospital," sighed Jessica wistfully at the memory.

"I-John needs to be here for his birthday. I need to tell him what happened. How should I tell him? Another letter? In person? Ask him to come here?"

"It has to be in person-whether it's here or in Port Charles he needs to see you when you tell him. Haven't you always said your biggest problem has been communication? Isn't that how this all began-because he didn't tell you about that kiss?"

"You're right," she said as the kitchen door opened, and both Clint and Viki walked in. "Hey," she smiled at them.

"Hey-looks like you two are having a serious conversation."

"We are," spoke Jessica as she reached for Natalie's hand. "Natalie is ready to talk to John and tell him everything."

"You think that's a smart idea, sweetheart? The man cheated on you-he let you think you were going to spend the rest of your lives together while hooking up with some hussy in another state."

"Thanks for the visual dad," said Natalie with a roll of her eyes.

"Clint," addressed Viki softly. "Our daughters are grown women-and we have to let them make their own choices. If she's ready to tell John then I think we should stand behind her on that."

"Which means you have to finally drop that stupid restraining order," said Jessica with a look towards her father.

Clint looked at the women in his life and rolled his eyes, "Fine-I will go call the lawyers and get the paperwork started on ending it."

"Thank you, dad," she smiled at him.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: This chapter is very much a rehash of _OLR_, but I did try to change it a bit and have us see more from John's perspective while _OLR_ is more from Natalie's. Last chapter should be up next week-and the same for the last chapter of Rubble. Until next time-PCGirl.

* * *

John sat in the crappy hotel room staring at the letter Natalie had written him. It still didn't feel real-the words she wrote about another man in her's and Liam's life. How she didn't mean to fall in love-it just happened. He wondered how she did it-how she could forget what they meant to each other so quickly and move on.

He'd reached out to Gigi and Kelly to find out some information on the new man. Neither said they knew anything about him. But there was something they weren't telling him-he could hear it in their words. He wondered if Natalie already married the man-if to get on past him she decided to do something as drastic as that. It made him wonder where his mother's ring was-but it didn't matter. It was Natalie's-always had been.

He'd never thought about giving his mother's ring to Caitlyn-back then he wasn't as close to his mom as he was now. And Blair-their _marriage_ was one of convenience to help her with Todd. There was never anything more than friendship between the two of them.

He wondered if Blair knew anything and thought about calling her to see.

Hearing a loud knock on the door he wondered who would be coming by to visit him. Placing the letter back in the envelope he slid it into the desk drawer and looked through the peep hole to see who it was.

The one person he hadn't expected to be there was Natalie-he'd dreamed it before, but now-now he was sure that would never happen.

Taking a deep breath, he opened the door, "Hey."

"Hi," she said back, and he noticed the nervousness in her voice and mannerisms.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came here to talk-tell you everything. Can I come in?"

He paused for a moment-thinking whether to tell her it didn't matter this late in the game, but he knew that was a lie. He wanted answers for months and now that she was here to give them he wasn't sure if he was actually ready for them. "Yeah, of course," he said as he motioned for her to enter. Closing the door, he suddenly thought it was of no use-he'd already learned how thin these walls were and figured any tenants that were home were about to get an earful, "How is Liam?"

"He's fine-he misses you."

John felt his anger rising, as if him being away from his son was his fault, "He wouldn't have if you had let me talk to you-instead of throwing a damn restraining order at me. Is it still in place? Are the cops going to come break down the door any second?"

"No, it's over now," she said, seeing how much hurt she'd caused John these past few months. Why were they so good at hurting the other?

John studied her for a moment, she was unsure what to say next and he realized there was something more to be said, "I know you, Natalie-there's something else, isn't there?"

"Please know I never meant for this to drag out so long. I went to London to relax. While I was there I had a few blackouts of memory-but I figured it was just stress and let it go. I didn't tell anyone."

"The first night we were back home I decided to stay at Llanfair. Jessica came to check on me and I was gone. When she called my cell I didn't answer. She thought I'd come here to talk to you-that we worked it out, so she wasn't worried. Please know Liam has never been in any danger," she said, her eyes filled with tears now at beginning to tell him the nightmare that was her life for the last five months.

The anger John felt a few moments ago was now replaced with fear-fear that something was wrong, and this wasn't his Natalie, "You never came here. Where were you?"

"Jess asked me the same question when I came down for breakfast the next day. I told her I didn't know what she was talking about-and then we realized what was going on. She went to call the doctor and I knocked her out cold. Well, not me-Tricia."

"Tricia?" he asked, confused once again.

"My alter, John. Apparently, the stress of everything over the past few years was finally too much to take."

John felt his legs weaken at the thought of her going through that alone. Shaking his head, his mind went back to the beginning of this all, "No, the signature on the restraining order was yours."

"Tricia signed my name. She went to my dad and told him a very convincing story-how we had talked, and you had threatened both mine and Liam's lives if we didn't come back to you."

John felt his head was spinning and thought he was going to be sick, "Your dad really thinks that little of me? That I would ever threaten your life-and my child's?"

"In the heat of the moment all he wanted to do was protect his family-you should understand that, John. By the time Jessica woke up it was signed, and Tricia was gone."

"They should have called me-I would have found you faster. That's my job, Natalie-finding people who don't want to be found."

Natalie nodded, not wanting to get into the fact that him being there when she was found would have given Tricia more strength to stay in control longer. "It took them nearly two months to find me-Tricia-however you want to put it."

"Did she write the letter I got?" he asked, having a feeling he knew the answer already.

"No, I did. I didn't want you to see me at my worst. It was a battle to maintain control and I just wanted to wait until I knew I was full integrated before telling you what happened."

He realized what she was not saying and sighed, "You didn't trust me enough to tell me? What-you thought I'd use it against you for custody of Liam?"

"The thought crossed my mind. Actually, it did just now before Jessica knocked on the door. I wouldn't blame you if you had, but I'm better now and am in full control again. I came here tonight to tell you what happened and let you know the restraining order is gone. I'd be lying if I said Liam didn't need his dad in his life."

John kneeled down in front of her, thinking how she was the strongest person he knew, and yet she'd broken, "What about his mom's life?"

When she just looked at him in silence he continued, "I want to be there for it all, Natalie. And that's the bad too-can you forgive me for all the hurt I've caused you these past few months? For a damn kiss that meant nothing?"

"John," she sighed, seeing a truth in his eyes. "I'm strong-you know that-and now, after this, I'm stronger than ever. I don't need you coming back into my life because you feel like I need protecting. I'm not made out of glass-I don't break easily."

He smiled at her words, and pushed her hair out of her face, "You're right. You aren't made out of glass-you are made out of damn stone-it's one of the things I love about you. But I don't want to come back into your life to protect you-."

"See, I knew it," she said, not letting him finish and going towards the door. "You have a life here now-I'll call, and we can figure out parenting arrangements later."

"Damn it, Natalie," he said, jumping up and slamming his hand on the door to keep her from opening it. "Let me finish-I want back in your life because it's my life. There is nothing here for me-everything is back home in Llanview. And I want it all back-my whole life."

He watched her gulp and could see by the emotion in her eyes that he was close to winning this fight, "Will you give me that? Can I have my life back?"

Natalie stood there watching him-silent, brooding, John McBain being anything but. Putting his whole heart on the line to be crushed if she wanted to. "John, I don't know what the future holds. I don't know if I can simply say I forgive you right now, but you can come back to Llanview. We can see where is goes from there. Is that enough?"

"I guess it'll have to be," he said as he leaned in and took in a scent that was only Natalie, a mixture of vanilla and strawberries, before turning to start packing. It may be enough for now, but he knew it wouldn't be enough for long.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Phew. This chapter ended up so much longer than expected. There may be an epilogue for this-I'm not quiet sure yet. Ya'll enjoy and thank you for the reviews. I had fun writing this one. Until next time-ya'll are the best-PCGirl.

* * *

Finishing his call with Anna, John knew that what little life he had in Port Charles was now over. Focusing ahead he looked at Jessica's car in front of him and went again into deep thought.

Natalie had DID. That idea had never crossed his mind. He'd never pictured her as the type to have something cause her psyche to split. He actually wasn't sure what it was-he hadn't thought to ask.

Because he knew it didn't matter-what did was getting back to his son. And then finding a way to work his way back into Natalie's life in more than a co-parenting kind of way.

Looking at the time he decided he could make one more call before they got into Llanview.

"Hey, bro. What's going on?" asked Michael as his voice filled the car from it's Bluetooth.

"I'm about 30 minutes out of Llanview."

"Really? That's awesome. You talked to Natalie finally?"

"You don't sound surprised," said John realizing his brother already knew something. "When did you find out?"

"Find out what exactly?" he said, trying to play coy and knowing he was failing at it.

"Her DID."

Michael sighed, "About a month ago."

"And you thought I didn't need to know?"

"It wasn't my place, John. It's hers, and she's told you now so who found out when is kind of a moot point."

It was John's turn to sigh now, "I know. I just-I wish I could have helped her get through it."

"I know. And she knows you would have wanted to be there too. But she also had to prove to herself once again that she's strong and in control, and this most likely for her will not happen again."

"Tell me what I need to know about this. I mean I've seen Tess around before-but I really didn't pay as much attention as I should have."

"It's not really my field of expertise, John. I just think you and Natalie have to decide what you want and the two of you work towards whatever that common goal is. If it's just parents to start off with then don't push it further.

* * *

"John's talking to someone back there," said Natalie as she looked in the rearview and could make out his lips moving and his hands waving a bit. "Probably Sam," she said with a chuckle.

Jessica gave her a side eye at that comment, "I doubt that. He seems pretty eager to get home."

"He wants to give us another shot," said Natalie softly, focusing on the passing landscape.

"How do you feel about that?" asked Jessica, knowing a part of her sister was wanting them to get it right, but then there was the part of her that was reluctant. Tricia had been so verbal on her dislike for John and the stress he caused them.

"I love him. Despite Tricia's warnings and thoughts on him I do love him. But we hurt each other so often-if Liam weren't in the picture I really could just have walked away this time. But I can't do that to my son."

"Natalie-will you look for something in my purse. Look in the zipper pocket and there's a jewelry pouch. Hand it to me." Natalie did as her sister asked and then watched her pull out the engagement ring, "John gave this to you not just because you are Liam's mother. He gave it to you because you two were about to start your life together."

"Until he had to chase another ghost, Jess."

"Then call him out on that. Call him out on kissing another woman. But don't hide behind your DID just because you can now. You are better than that, Natalie. You never have hidden behind anything or anyone. Why now?"

Natalie glared at her sister, not saying a word, but instead picked up her phone and dialed. Looking in the mirror she could see him glance at the caller ID before answering.

"Hey-you ok up there?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Listen, when we get back to town, I need to go to Llanfair for something, but then I'll meet you at the house, ok?"

"Ok, I'll see you at home," he said, hanging up and wondering what that was about.

* * *

Natalie rung her hands as she paced the living room. She had expected John to be here when she arrived, but he wasn't. She hoped he didn't give up and decide to go back to Port Charles. Hearing the key in the door she turned to see him coming in and couldn't help but smile, "Hey."

"Hey. You ok?" he asked, noting that she seemed surprised he was here.

"Yeah-I just was surprised I beat you home, that's all."

"I wasn't sure how long you were going to take. Stopped at Rodi's to check up on things."

"I need to tell you something about that."

"The safe and the night deposit?" he asked and watched her hang her head in shame at what Tricia had done. He reached out and lifted her chin, so she'd look him in the eye, "It's ok, Natalie."

"No, it's not. I stole from us. I stole from Liam's future."

"You didn't. Tricia did. Jeff also told me that Jessica brought the money to replace it the day it happened."

"Yeah, I paid her back already."

He nodded; his hands stuffed in his pockets as he walked around the room. Looking at Natalie he was reminded how much they had been through already, and he wondered how much more they would be, "So, you want to tell me about her?"

Natalie walked towards the couch and motioned for him to sit, "Apparently she split back when I was young. When Roxy would leave me at the strip joint or the pool hall for too long while she gambled. Normally, I would put on my brave face and be strong. But a kid shouldn't grow up in those, you know?"

John nodded, he always hated hearing how rough of a childhood she had, this was no exception, "So that's what she did-protected you?"

"Yeah, there was some guy watching us once and I got scared. She came out and kept her eyes opened for predators and such. The first time she ever showed her face in Llanview was apparently while I was in that pit Hayes held me in."

"I should have found you quicker," he said, feeling guilty at how long she was missing back then.

"But eventually you did," she said with a tenderness she usually gave him when he started beating himself up about something in the past.

"Again, she was a guard. She was protecting me and letting me rest. I was scared to close my eyes for fear that something would happen, but she wasn't. It may have been because of her that I lasted as long as I did down there.

"The next time was in the basement of Llanfair. She thought I was starting to split again and came out to stop it. When Jared found us, she felt safe enough to let me come back out. She loved Jared, by the way."

"She must hate me," he laughed.

"Yeah, she's pretty vocal about her dislike of you," said Natalie, unable to keep a slight laugh from coming out.

"I wish I could talk to her," he said out loud.

Natalie looked at John hard, surprised at his words before reaching for the television remote, "You can't-but you can see what she said about you. Maybe that will help," she said and pressed play for the DVD she'd picked up from Llanfair earlier.

John watched Natalie appear on the screen-sitting across from who he assumed was Dr Jamison. Looking at her closer he could see a slight difference-the way she held herself with more anger than he was used to with Natalie.

_"Tricia, I want to discuss John McBain with you today."_

_"What for?" she said shortly._

_"He's a part of Natalie's life. And I can tell you have some pretty strong feelings for him."_

_"If those feelings are of distrust then yes, I suppose so."_

_"Why do you distrust him?"_

_"Because he hurts us-he says and does things that make you think he cares for Natalie and then turns around and does the complete opposite. And he's never been able to love her unconditionally. Not like Jared did."_

_"Do you want to give me an example of when he's hurt Natalie?"_

_"This last time. He bought a house with her-proposed to her. Made her think that this was it-she was finally getting her happy ever after. But the whole time he's away chasing after another ghost and I guess falling for some new woman. I don't understand it-I don't understand why we aren't enough."_

_"We?" repeated the doctor._

_"Well, Natalie-when does she get her happy ending?"_

_Dr Jamison nodded and made a few notations on his paperwork before speaking again, "Once you are integrated again-if Natalie chooses to go back to John how will you feel about that?"_

_"I guess I'd have to accept it-I mean she's the true personality. I'm just a split of her psyche, right?"_

_"I think you are more than that, Tricia. From what I've seen of Natalie in the past with Jessica and Tess, and what I hear about her-she's strong. And she's always pulled that strength from you. You two need to be reintegrated so her life can continue as normal as possible. Do you see how important you are to her?"_

_"Yeah," she said with a surprising smile._

_"Good," he said as he made a few notes on his paperwork. "I think that's enough for today. Natalie-I want you to focus on Liam and step back forward," he said as he clicked a remote that ended the recording._

John watched as the screen went blank-not saying a word but just soaking up what he'd just heard. Looking over at Natalie he saw the tears in her eyes. He turned towards her and took her hands in his, holding them tightly as he stared in her eyes and started talking, "I don't know how any of this works-I don't know if she can hear me, but I want to say this to Tricia. I'm thankful for you and I'm sorry.

"I'm thankful because you protected Natalie so much-especially when she was a little girl and was in a position she never should have been. I'm here now though-and I'm going to protect both of you, if Natalie will let me.

"And I'm sorry to both of you-sorry that I went chasing after another damn ghost that never needed chasing. I shouldn't have-I should have done what was asked of me by Blair and come back home immediately. If would have stopped a lot of heart ache this year from happening.

"I want to be better-and I know it won't be easy, but I'd like to try," he said with a sigh and let go of Natalie's hands to wipe away the tears that were showing on her cheeks. "I want to remind you what unconditional love is-I want you to know you will always have it from me."

"John," she said softly. "My whole life I've had to fight for myself. Fight for food and shelter with Roxy, fight for my place in the Buchanan family. And now, for past few months I've had to fight to just exist.

"Tricia-she did some of that fighting also-fighting to keep me safe from predators or serial killers. Fight to keep me from having another persona. She said that you didn't love us unconditionally-but she was wrong. You've given me more than that.

"You've let me cry when I need to cry. You've let me fight-for the most part-when I need to fight, " she said with a slight laugh and wiped the tears from the corners of her eyes. "And you've let me walk away from us when I need to do so.

"I still don't know what's going to happen next. But I'd like for you to be there by my side through it all."

"Of course," he said as he touched her cheek and let it linger there for a moment before leaning forward and giving her a kiss. He had planned on it being light and quick, but he felt the sudden heat of passion between the two of them and leaned more into her, laying her onto the leather couch. He forced himself to stop-not wanting to hurt her or go any further unless she wanted to. Pulling back, he looked in her eyes and saw the passion in them that burned his soul. The look she would give him when they were alone in their bed. "Natalie," he said quietly.

She smiled at hearing him say her name like that-not like when they were at the station and he was getting her attention for a case, but in the privacy of their room. When the only thing in the world that mattered was the other. "Make love to me, John," she said as she reached her hand up and placed it gently on the side of his face.

He turned his face into her hand and kissed her palm before looking back at her, a boyish grin appearing on his face before speaking, "With pleasure."


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Another update today! YAY! Finally figured out a simple epilogue for this story. I've played with the idea for a sequel for this story, but a) I'm not sure I want to and b) I need to finish up _Always_ first. Until next time-PCGirl.

* * *

_June 2013_

John stood in his bedroom fixing his cufflinks. Thinking back to ten months ago he wasn't sure he was going to get to this moment. Actually, even six months ago he wasn't sure he was going to get here.

But through everything that had been put in their way they made it-today Natalie finally became Mrs. McBain. The past five months since they were back into each other's lives had been wonderful. Focusing on parenting Liam and figuring out their relationship first before anything else. Natalie had pushed off the thought of marriage-tried to tell him that the ring and the name didn't matter, but he felt differently.

He felt like by doing this he was proving to her and Tricia he wasn't going anywhere-he wasn't going to hurt them again. He couldn't promise perfection, but he could promise to put his wife and children first above any ghost or case.

Hearing the steps down the hall he gave a nod at his brother walking into the room, "Where's everyone else?"

"Mom and Marcie just left with the kids to head over to Llanfair. Told them we were following right behind them. You ready, bro?"

John couldn't help but smile, "I've been ready for this for a long time. Wish dad was here to see this. Makes you wonder what he'd think of it all."

"I think he'd be really proud of you, John. Especially after all that you two have been through."

He nodded as he remembered the dream he had with his dad after the accident.

_"Where do you think that comes from?"_

_"I guess it-I guess it comes from love."_

The ringing of his phone pulled him back to the present and he smiled at the name that popped up.

Michael just shook his head, "I'll be downstairs waiting-don't be long."

"I won't," he said as he walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Hey-you aren't getting cold feet on me, are you?"

"No-I just missed you," spoke Natalie softly.

John just shook his head and gave a half smile, "Me too. I'll see you in less than thirty minutes."

"I know-it was just weird sleeping without you by my side last night. First time in a long time I've had to do that."

"And the last for even longer. How are you feeling today?"

Natalie, by habit, placed her hand on her growing stomach and smiled, "We're fine, daddy."

"Good."

"What did you and Michael do last night?"

"Nothing really-just shooting the breeze. He helped me put together the crib. Good thing he decided to be a doctor and not an engineer."

Natalie laughed, "I'll see you soon, McBain. I'll be the one in white."

"Can't wait," he said as he smiled and ended the call on his end.

Natalie watched the call end and put her phone down before looking at herself in the mirror they'd set up in her room at Llanfair.

Before everything with Tricia, she had wanted this day to get here so much, and now she still did, but was worried. Worried this wasn't what Tricia wanted and that maybe she could somehow force her way back out and wreak havoc on Natalie's life once again. Closing her eyes, she counted to ten and tried to feel Tricia somewhere inside of her-somehow give her a sign that she was ok with this. Feeling a sense of peace wash over her she opened her eyes to see her dad in the mirror's reflection.

"Dad," she smiled and turned and looked at him.

"You ok? You seemed deep in thought. If you don't want to do this-."

"No," she cut him off hastily. "I've wanted this for so long-you know that. I just was nervous, I guess."

"Of Tricia?"

"Yeah, but I think she gave me a sign just now. I love John, Dad. And I know you were protecting me and Liam before by letting the restraining order stand, but you don't have to protect me anymore. John's not going to hurt me again."

"You can't be sure of that, sweetheart."

"You're right-and there might be times that we disagree, but he's proven himself a lot these last months that the only place he wants to be is at my side. For everything-the good and the bad."

Clint nodded and pulled her into a hug, "Ok, it's just-I couldn't protect you when you were a child. There's a part of me that will always want to make up for that."

"And I love you so much for that," she said as she wiped the corners of her eyes to keep the tears away. "Let's get me married before I ruin my makeup," she laughed as she slipped her arm into his.

* * *

Standing there and waiting for her to walk out into the rose garden at Llanfair John couldn't help but think what all had transpired to get them to this moment.

Most people would have walked away a long time ago. There had been so many secrets and betrayals along the way on both sides. Too much of not trusting the other with what was going on around them.

Even with all that he couldn't walk away, and he knew she felt the same way. It wasn't just the children-it was how they were an anchor for the other.

Before he walked into Crossroads that day, he didn't have a purpose in life. No real connection with family, no one to come home to at the end of the day. No reason to be focused on anything but the job.

Natalie had slowly changed all those things about him-and from where he stood it was all for the better. As he watched her come into view, he couldn't help the smile that appeared on his face. This was exactly where he wanted to be-with her by his side for the rest of their lives. Apart they were strong, but together-together they were unbreakable.


End file.
